Wiener Journal 40|2005

It serves to protect shoes and to bring them to a high shine.
Hubert von Goisern thoroughly tests the properties and searches with patience and spit for the best one.

When a true Goiserer really "wieners", then the highest shine comes out. For "aufwienern" means "polish" in Hubert von Goisern's native linguistic usage. And among other things there was a shining radiance to be brushed up during a test of shoe polishes.

The grandfather of the musician from the Salzkammergut was once a cobbler and injected the little Hubert with a care for shoes right from the very start. At first he didn't really follow "the lectures on cleaning shoes properly".

But today he knows: "It makes sense, especially with our damp, cold weather." For it's the same on the mountain: "Only a protected shoe is waterproof." In the end it also occurred to Hubert "that it gives me a real kick to bring out the full shine."

So he spits now and again on the brush. Because that's the secret of mirror-like success. As much as he loves the beautiful, gleaming shine "I don't treat my shoes reverentially," says Hubert von Goisern. But his grandfather "would probably be pleased with me as a shoe cleaner today". Just the fact that he almost always goes about "without shoelaces" perhaps would not have pleased Grandad so much. But he always complained so much "when I put my shoes on without the shoehorn because it kills the heel. So I take the laces out and just buy shoes that I won't fall out of." Only mountain and football boots are tied. - And sometimes the footwear for the town too: not because of the often musically strained "girls with thick calves" there, but rather to cut a fine figure for a shoe polish test.

Hubert von Goisern's quality demands for the cremes are high. He knows now the practical advantages of proper shoe care: "I've learned that they keep longer, and a shoe you have is worth much more than a new one." Nowadays he impresses upon his children and wife "to think more about the quality when cleaning" when choosing shoes. When Hubert von Goisern sometimes cleans the whole family's shoes at home "then I have a hard time because raw leather will never really be leakproof. So ten pairs of shoes come together to be properly polished once more. The application of high quality polish is a real pleasure: "It rubs in so well, especially on the bridges." Because there, on the seams are "the real weak points, which must be cleverly protected". Sometimes fat must also serve. Silicon is, however, "not brilliant, because the leather has to be able to draw up the essence." Valuation criteria accordingly selectively were therefore also the subjective test criteria with Hubert of Goiserns shoe polish examination, with which it applied to evaluate after the school note system the following four characteristics:

Evaluation criteria. The subject test criteria were accordingly selective for Hubert von Goisern's shoe creme test, for which it was valid to evaluate the following four characteristics according to the school grade system:

Packaging and smell: A good smell of the cream is a condition for the highest pleasure for a sensuous shoe cleaner. The musician prefers the classic aluminium tub with the little lever on the side to the other kinds. Extensive travel experience (only recently the CD Ausland, which arose partly in Timbuktu, was released) forms the background for it: "I barely have to worry if I fling this closed pot into the case." He doesn't think much of tube packaging.

Consistency: What counts here is that the paste "doesn't turn to crumbs and doesn't spatter at all."

Shine and feel of finish: There's lots of proper brushing and proper spitting too. When the leather reached an almost mirror finish, a blissfully happy smile came to Hubert von Goisern's face that would do credit to his moral idol, the Dalai Lama.

Water resistance: A spray that is otherwise used to moisten laundry had to serve to check the water repellency in every detail with a strict eye after the precise polishing. If the liquid did not bead properly or even penetrated into the footwear, there were severe mark deductions.

Summary. All the shoe cremes we buy in the usual supermarkets, chemist chains and from small cobblers are from almost very good to good quality. The variety of cheap products offered in this segment, on which we wanted to concentrate, offered in this segment, is not very large however. There are nevertheless salient differences here too.

Hubert von Goisern is someone with a strong connection to his homeland not just in his music. He currently lives with his family in Salzburg in the immediate vicinity of Hallein and therefore had a hard time getting over the fact that the resident shoe polish company Erdal didn't perform better. "Rather a patriotic 'good' than an unpatriotic 'very good'", he says, trying to bring provincialism into our cosmopolitan test and to give the results a local light. Finally he considered "enlisting at Erdal as a co-developer of a new shoe polish generation. So that local patriotism makes sense again."

It was no use. Another brand - Made in the EU - won. And as consolation: Goisern together with Hallein belong to it now too.

In any case, the musician took the rest of the shoe polishes home with him in a little nylon rucksack, in order to continue the test long term "another one or two years". He'll let us know about corrections. He has the time for it, as a creative break is the order of the day for Hubert von Goisern anyway. The next appearance is not planned until 2007. The artist remains silent about the content of his new project. There was only a firm promise with regards to the form: the return to the stage will take place with shiny polished footwear.

The results:

1st place: Final mark 1.5, Kiwi, 1.19 EUR, Packaging/Smell 1, Consistency 2, Shine 1, Water resistance 2.
2nd place: Final mark 1.75, Palc, 5 EUR, Packaging/Smell 3, Consistency 1, Shine 2, Water resistance: 1.
3rd place: Final mark 2, Erdal, 1.85 EUR, Packaging/Smell 2, Consistency 2, Shine 1, Water resistance 3.
4th place: Final mark 2.25, Collonil, 3.90 EUR, Packaging/Smell 3, Consistency 3, Shine 1, Water resistance 2.
5th place: Final mark 2.5, Woly, 3.10 EUR, Packaging/Smell 2, Consistency 3, Shine 3, Water resistance 2.

Text: Paul Vécsei | Photos: Markus Librowicz